Rewriting Fatherhood
If you believe men can’t parent as well as women, then you only need to attend the National At Home Dads Convention to completely squash this misconception.
I spent two days near the end of September enjoying the company of over 100 stay at home dads.
Every single one of them was actively changing the definition of what it means to be a man as they exchanged funny toddler stories, bragged about their ability to change a diaper blindfolded, and shared frustrations of being referred to as the “baby sitter.”
I also quickly realized their decision to be involved in the every day care of their children was only one of the ways they were redefining manhood. The convention itself was another profound way they were fostering change.
As I participated in the different events over the course of the two day convention, I couldn’t help but be impressed by the safe space they had created for men to break down the isolation too many men encounter. Instead, fathers gathered together to speak openly and honestly about the joys and challenges they faced in their everyday lives.
I felt honored to be part of this experience and appreciative of the different path they were forging for their sons – and their daughters.
However, I was also aware of an invisible force that was not being addressed – the rigid workplaces that demand too much of employees including employees with families.
On the one hand, some of these men had always known that they wanted to be stay at home dads. On the other, too many described a familiar story; faced with two demanding jobs and a new baby at home, they ultimately decided to have one parent leave the workplace in order to create more time for family.
Listening to their stories, I couldn’t help but imagine how a significant number of these dads (and their full time working spouses) would have jumped at the opportunity of a more supportive workplace.
Instead of an all or nothing approach to work, this “new normal” would support both mothers and fathers to follow a gradual return to work when their children were young. Then, as their children became school aged, they would be supported to flex work so they could leave early a few afternoons to enjoy caring for their children after school.
When men and women – as parents and leaders – increasingly follow this approach it will become the force to shift things for everyone.
Eventually, a “new normal” could become available for all – a flexible approach to work and life for parents; for employees who need to care for a loved one who is ill or their aging parents; for people who want to get involved in their communities; and for mature employees who want to phase into retirement.
Although it may seem like we have a long way to go to achieve this kind of change, the men at the National At Home Dads Convention are taking important steps forward by showing us that men are as capable as women in caring well for our loved ones.